Dating a widow with young children too soon

05-Oct-2020 17:45

In fact, it felt nice to think about meeting new people and feeling appreciated as a woman.The idea of having adult conversations over a glass of wine or a nice dinner was appealing.If I could just have the perfect man magically show up at my door one day, I would choose that option in a heartbeat (side note: if anyone knows the perfect man, please contact me and I will send you my address).Unfortunately, more likely than not, that’s not going to happen, so I am choosing to put myself back out there into the world and see what happens.They might think, ‘Does being happy make people think I didn’t love my spouse? You don’t want to sound insensitive, but you want him to start letting go of the past and embracing the future.That’s not easy to do if his late wife’s clothes are still hanging in her closet.The reason I write is to speak truth and life and if that incurs judgment from small minded and overly opinionated people, so be it. That being said, the decision to date after loss is not an easy one.Some widows choose never to date again, to remain single and find happiness in their singleness.

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The reason I write is so that others going through what I have gone through feel less alone, less afraid and more normal, more seen, more known.

I anticipate that dating is going to be difficult as a widow because I have an added layer of complication that is not the same for someone who is divorced or has never been married. Unless and until you become my husband, that fact will not change. You will need to be strong enough to let me grieve, or better yet, hold me while I grieve. I expect you to make an effort to show me you’re interested. I don’t have time or energy to invest in a man who isn’t on board.

I suspect it will take a special kind of man to even want to date me, and be strong enough to embrace my story. Your efforts will not go unmatched, but I don’t have time or inclination to chase after you. My heart has been broken and it may take a minute for me to share it again.

Each widow will have her own set of guidelines, I think, unique to her situation, but these are mine: Yes, I am a widow. Yes, I will talk about my late husband from time to time.

I personally have never dated a man whose wife died, but I know plenty of women who have. Widowers feel guilty that they are still able to enjoy happiness, while the person they lost can’t.So sharing my heart on this subject is probably one of the harder things I’ve opened up about since being widowed.