Dating in the military
To be blunt, falling in love is a great way to avoid the pain of transition. It’s the best high you can get without breaking any laws.
In fact, research shows that the brain releases many of the same chemicals when people are falling in love and when they are smoking crack cocaine.
Together you have “embraced the suck,” and accomplished things that you would never have thought possible. The loss of daily contact with your military family is a crushing blow, a “punch in the gut.” Almost every part of your life changes.
When leaving the military, you may lose a sense of identity, or lose a sense of purpose and relevance.
Make sure you’ve had a number of really good fights before thinking about committing to marriage.
Instead of investing in only one relationship, it’s wiser to build out a whole network of new relationships.In a way, the chaos of this kind of partner can “organize” your life.A high-drama partner can provide a set of new challenges to overcome, a way to continue protecting at least one person, and it can feel like an act of “selfless service.” Almost always, relationships like this will end in heartbreak.It’s much less risky, even if you choose a healthy romantic partner.
It might be tempting to see separation from the military as a good time to formalize your relationship, either legally, financially or otherwise.
And it can also be connected to significant survivor guilt — as though your brain and heart are seeking a way to correct things that felt out of control during your time in the military.