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19-Dec-2019 13:56

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Three years ago, when I was 56, I suggested to my husband that he move out of our house in New Jersey. As he was settling into his new apartment in Manhattan, he called. We would stay separated for a year and, somehow, together, figure out this whole thing. Sometimes, emerging from a divorce, it takes a while for things to add up. We pledged that we would always be friends, and our family would survive. After a few minutes, as we were about to hang up, he told me that he was "seeing someone.""Seeing someone." Two words that splintered my head into speechlessness, followed by a dizzying internal stream of, What about "Our family would survive"?

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"Gandhi points to her own simmer-to-boil relationship with her husband, who she was friends with for six years before they began dating.

The ink may be dry on your divorce papers, but that doesn’t mean you’ve completely moved on.

Of course, that's understandable, but if you can’t stop talking or thinking about your ex—whether you’re praising them “You have to take the time to heal, let go of resentments, and come to a healthy emotional place before you can be open to a new relationship,” she explains.

Everything that comes with a relationship can be counted — in years, losses, gains, money, friends, family.

Five months after our pledge, and six months into our separation, my husband called. My husband and I had separated less than one year ago. My body was frozen in place; my mind was reeling round and round over my whole life.



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